With an open hand...

Three weeks ago tonight I set out on my Ladies Retreat. I had

full expectation of spending the weekend with my Savior. I

knew that I would hear His voice that weekend and anxiously

awaited what He would say. The first thing as some of you

know that He said to me was that He had a very good friend of

mine in His care. I found out that my high school mentor has

cancer. LeaAnn is in New York and is in isolation after taking

her large dose of radiation. They will be heading home next

Thursday....thank you again for your prayers on her behalf.

The other thing that God spoke to me about I was NOT

ready for. He and I had some things to talk about that I had not

realized. See, for quite some time now...my walk with Him...

I didn't turn from Him or pull away...it was more like it froze

in it's tracks. For the life of me I wanted to move forward again.

I desired with everything in me to be in His presence again.

There were days I begged and begged with Him to allow me to

feel Him near me. I tried to get back into my Bible, to get my

prayer life back on track...everything. I couldn't figure it out for

the life of me what was the obstacle between Him and me. As

the speaker spoke that weekend she told a story of how she was

told she could never have children and they had tried for

sometime to have a child. Here is her quote..."As I sat in the pew

that morning, I confessed to the Lord the resentment I held against

Him for having denied me the privilege of bearing children. As

I saw it, I had two choices for the future. I could either

relinquish my infertility or resign myself to it. The difference

between the two is subtle but powerful. I picture it this way:

to relinquish a circumstance it to approach God with an open

hand, saying, "Here it is, Lord. I don't know what to do with

this, but I look forward to what you will do." Relinquishment

is an act of willing surrender. To resign on the other hand, is to

approach God with a closed hand- a fist- saying, "If this is the

way life has to be, then I'll grit my teeth and bear it."

A month ago I finished the Bible study "Beloved Disciple".

Part of the first weeks homework was to write a letter to God

about what our desire was at this season in our life. Before

I wrote a word I asked God to reveal to me what it was...

Here's what I wrote on...

I am settling for where I am because it's better than where I

use to be.

I am worrying over the future.

A longing for a family of my own.

I'm still turning my mind on this one....I always thought I

was content in being single so that I wouldn't become

bitter towards God. However, it was the disappointment

that was causing the stand still in my walk. I have been so

afraid to hope and pray for some things in my life for

worry of that disappointment. I realized that weekend

that I had to relinquish those things to Him. I have to

admit that I'm still prying back those fingers of mine to

hold out that open hand...put it's almost there.

I know that's why this heavy linger is still over me right

now. I was reminded today of how I have to keep feeling,

loving and questioning the things that He is stirring in

my heart. A few years ago I wouldn't even allow myself

to place those dreams in my thoughts. I pray that them

being there now is a sign of God's timing.....

What about you are there things you need to relinquish?

I just know that I want to remove this thing so that I can

receive more of Him...with pure motives and a pure

heart.

I had the privilage back in March to hear Jennifer Rothschild
speak in our area. If you've never heard of her you need to
check her out. Now, Jennifer Rothschild is blind but just to
see a picture or just her standing on stage you would never
notice it. I've been thinking of passing on some of the notes
I took that day and so I think I shall today.
She made a point that said "God to become our vision". Now,
I'm not this deepest thinker around...so I look forward to your
comments.
What if we look at God becoming our vision in the way that a
blind person would at other resources of help becoming their
vision. If we were physically blind think of the complete trust
we would have to have in someone to help guide us. The
pitch black dark and the awareness of things around but not
being able to see what. I've been thinking about that in a
Spiritual sense of as far as the future goes at times we feel
"blind" that we can't see anything in front of us. There's a feeling
of something in the air...but what, where, when, who, how....
Just as a blind person must trust the "help" they have we must
trust the "Help" we have. I'd rather trust Him than any other.

Ok, back to Jennifer R. she talked about Embracing Adversity
as a friend. She spoke of how adversity comes with a cost but
it also has it's benefits.

Adversity can introduce you to yourself.
It can show you your weaknesses.
It can expose your gifts.
It shows God is sufficient.
He can use adversity to position you.
Adversity can introduce you to heroes.

Things we can do:
Cry when we are hurt.
Choose Faith over feelings.
Choose loyalty over logic. (we may never understand)

Here is a quote from her book...
"When it comes to His children, God's touch is more than
a caress- it's a firm grip. In those times when storms roar
into our lives and we feel we might be swept away in a
flood of anxiety and heartache, He is the one who
tenderly shields our souls. His hand is the place of
ultimate security and refuge. Our Father holds on to us
with tenacity and graces us with tenderness. It's mind-
boggling to think we are actually hidden in Him."

"You are my hiding place; you...surround me
with songs of deliverance." Ps. 32:7

God doesn't won't us to grin and bear it...
He asks us to let go and trust Him....

Round one...of tags!

Ok, first of all I have to thank Linda at Gotta GROW With It for
helping me figure out how to get some "tunes" on my blog. And
for Sharon at Sit With Me Awhile for helping me figure out how
to get the linking blog thang (sorry I have NO idea what to call it)
to work! Thanks you guys...I did it!!!!! WooHoo!
Now, on to the things at hand. A couple weeks ago I was tagged
by Denise at Samaritan Women for a Six-Word Memoir Meme
The Rules:
1. Write your own Six-Word Memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.



I've thought long and hard and here's what I decided on~

Journey begins with a single step.....

This is a quote that I discovered while I was in college and have

framed with my tasel...

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

As a Christian seeking earnestly to follow the will the

Savior has for her life....Steps of Faith.

For this one I'm going to tag:

Gotta GROW With It

Free to Fly

Given Grace

Stuff and More Stuff

Just Kate

Self-Defense

Since I've been back from Retreat satan has been trying his
best to get to me. Everywhere I turn he is in my space- work,
church, thoughts...ect.
I ran across a quote that I jotted down from somewhere...
"You have to do what you have to do- the mood you do it
in is up to you." OUCH!!
I'm wanted to pass along a devotion that was emailed to me-
along with a good swift spat- thanks Sharon I needed it.

The Graduate-Level Test: Self-DefenseTGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os HillmanWednesday, April 16 2008"He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:6
As a believer grows in trusting obedience and love, God often brings a test that seems uncharacteristically cruel. The test: being wrongfully judged by those close to you. It is not for the reactionary. It cannot be passed over by simply gutting it out. Supernatural grace is the only means of passing this one. It is one of those tests the Savior had to experience Himself when being tried by the court of public opinion, the religious community, and the government of His day. His response to the government was silence. His response to the religious establishment was silence at the final judgment. To the rest of His accusers He remained quiet and left vindication to the Father. He lived the commandment He gave to the disciples:
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked" (Luke 6:35).
How do you react when you are accused or mistreated for no reason? Do you listen quietly, or do you justify each and every action? Most of us take pride in doing what is right and expect the same from others, especially our brothers and sisters in the faith. Jesus knew that if you were to be a true follower of His, you would enter this test eventually. It is part of the program. The workplace gives ample opportunity to be wronged, misunderstood, and maligned. When God brings a measured assault against one of His children, it is to find out if he truly believes in the cross. The cross is where each of us is given the opportunity to die to our pride, our reputations, and our ego. When He allows a measured assault upon us, it is to find out if the cross is sufficient. He wants to see if we will seek to rescue ourselves. Jesus said if we die with Him, we will be raised with Him. When God allows satan to bring the measured assault, ask God for the grace to cling to the cross. Let the pride and arrogance that Jesus wants to remove from our lives be crucified. Thank God for the opportunity to be crucified with Christ. Then your righteousness will shine like the noonday sun and the justice of your cause will be in His hands.

Satan is using some people right now to discourage me from doing
what He is asking me to do. These people are just the way they
are. There's nothing I can do because the only person I can change
is me. My thoughts, my attitudes, actions and reactions. In the
area of work and church I'm not into "it" for authority, money or
recognition. I'm in it to serve Him and use the gifts He has given
me to help others and giving Him glory for it. I've been asking Him
all day to help me not give in when these situations arise. Please,
Lord teach me to be silent as You were and help me continue on.

One Glorious Weekend

Last weekend I was able to attend a Ladies Retreat with some wonderful
women of God. It is a beautiful camp nestled in the woods of Texas. The
flowers and the view of the lake are breath taking. Oh, but the fellowship
is sweet. This is normally my vacation time and I'm able to leave the
worries of home behind. It's one of those special places that I'm able to
reconnect and spend some really good time with my Savior.

Kassi (in middle) would hurt me if she knew that I posted this picture.
However, the look on her face captures her personality...she's a hoot.
The lady on the right is the reason I posted this picture. This is Mrs.
Linda, she has walked a long hard road with me. I thank God each and
every day for her and her love for me.


This is a picture of me (on the right of the paddle boat) and my former
preacher's wife. Another couple of the girls were in another boat and we
decided to have a race across the lake. For the record we won.





This was my favorite part.....well one of them...of the weekend.
I love playing volleyball! We actually had a pretty good team. We
played for two and a half hours and felt every minute of it the next
day. We had to quit when the kids that were on staff at the camp
decided to join...they were a little too rough for us old folks. The
tall guy in the middle...yeah I'm standing somewhere behind him.




Here's the gang! I'm the one in the orange shirt on the right.
These are actually the ladies from my former church. When I
decided to follow God's leading in going back to my home
church...I cried for months at the thought of not being able to
stay with them. God is amazing and has allowed me to remain
close to them and they are gracious enough to understand why
I had to leave. Mrs. Linda informed me that I could not take this
picture of them. That I had to be in the picture because I would
always be a part of them. That's love guys. I still have things that
God spoke to my heart that weekend that I want to share. Right now,
I am still processing it all myself. Plus satan has been chasing me hard
this week.
I pray that we all find time and even a special place that we
can retreat away with Him. You know what? I just love Him and I love
each of you as well. You are a wonderful blessing in my life this season.
Much love.....

Our Hiding Place....

I haven't forgot to share my pictures and pass along all the
things that God shared with me last weekend. I've just
been a little side tracked with the reality of my friend's
health hitting me. I think I walked around all last weekend
in shock and then when I posted my last post it allowed reality
to hit. Thank you all for your comments and prayers!!!
When someone I love or know is dealing with a lot I always
want to "fix" things or make them better in some way. I've
had a couple people on my heart this week that I wish I
could do that for. A couple weeks ago I heard a wonderful
definition for a Hero...I'll never forget it.....
Hero's don't fix things they stick through the battle.
I believe that is what Ruth did for Naomi. I love that part
of the story in the book of Ruth. I think there are those times
when we just want to shut the world out and I wonder so
often if that was the reaction that Naomi was having when
she tried to send the girls away. Ruth, though, she hung
in there with her through it all.
I was talking to a dear friend yesterday and remembered
this devotion I read a couple months ago and thought I
would pass it along.....
"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."
Psalm 32:7

When you were a child, did you have a hiding place you would run to when you were afraid or wanted to be alone?

God wants to be your hiding place. And the good news is that you can retreat to this hiding place wherever you are. When you have a conflict at work and don't know what to say or how to deal with it, you can retreat into the secret place of the Most High as you are living in fellowship and communion with God. When you are tied up in bumper-to-bumper traffic, you can abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Have you ever tried to walk in someone's shadow? It can be done, but you really have to stay close. That is the picture given in Psalm 91:1, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." God says, "I want you to dwell in Me. I want to be your hiding place. I want you to be so close that you are actually in My very shadow."

This gives you courage to face life. The Old Testament tells the story of Elijah, who boldly stormed into the court of Ahab, the most wicked king that Israel had ever known. With incredible courage and boldness, he delivered bad news to Ahab and turned and walked out. Though he was in the court of a powerful monarch, Elijah recognized he was also in the presence of an even more powerful Monarch. He was dwelling in the secret place of the Most High.

I told a friend at work today that if I could just go somewhere by
myself and have a good cry I thought I would feel better. Her reply
was "oh, that's so sad". I said no because that somewhere would be
in that "hiding place" with Him. God, please fill my loved ones and
me with the courage to face life....

Hey Guys, I just spent an amazing weekend with God and

some wonderful women who love Him as much as I do.

There are so many things that God spoke to me this

weekend and I can't wait to share them with you. However,

right now I have to tell you first of what He did for me

this weekend.....

When I was in the youth group back in my teenage years

our youth director's name was Terry. He met this young

lady while he was there and her name was LeaAnn. She

became all the girls B.F.F. LeaAnn is very dear and

precious to my heart because she was the one sitting next

to me the Sunday night of July 24, 1988 when I gave my

heart to Jesus Christ. When I graduated high school he was

graduating from college. After graduation they married

and moved to Dallas where he went to seminary. We've

tried to stay in touch over the years since. Right now they

are several states away which makes today even more

difficult.

As we were sitting in the church parking lot waiting on

the other ladies to meet us to head out on our retreat...

I was give some news that blew me away. I was told

that LeaAnn (who is in her early 40's) has cancer.....

For what seemed like moments my heart seemed to

stop. I questioned my friend in the van for a long time

about details to make sure that we were talking about

the same person. The cancer was wrapped around her

kidneys and they had to take out what they could. I

was told that things did not look good. They found a

hospital in New York that is doing some experamental

research on the type she has. My heart is aching to see

or talk to her right now.

See, God knew this past weekend that I would find out

about my friend and He prepared in advanced a way

to comfort my heart this weekend. The Friday night

service we were asked to face our neighbor and tell

them what things we were dealing with that we had

brought with us. I called my sister after service asked

her to make a call that I knew would get me LeaAnn's

phone number. I told my friend at retreat that even if

I called I wouldn't know what to say. Guess what Girls?

On Saturday a women named Wanda spoke to us. God

used her to speak to my heart. She shared with us the

story of her 15 yr. old daughters battle with cancer.

She battled cancer.... This is a quote from her daughter,

"I don't have to fight the cancer- Jesus Christ in me is

the fighter.". She wouldn't let anyone feel sorry for her

or cry around her. She told her mom this is what she

wanted the last thing she said to her friends to be...

"But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly

Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come

to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful

assembly...."

I pray with every ounce of Faith that is in my heart and

soul that God will heal LeaAnn her on Earth. I know

He is going to heal her be it on Earth or there in Heaven.

We are not promised a tomorrow....

Just like Wanda and LeaAnn they both woke up to a

seemingly normal ordinary day... only to discover it

would be the worst day of there life. Oh, but He was

there with them and He is still there with them.

Be sure of your hearts condition as you walk in your

tomorrow.

Ladies, I would like you to help me pray for LeaAnn,

her husband Terry and their teenage daughter Tara.

I would be so greatful for your prayers....I know our

God is listening. Thank you from the bottom of my

heart for letting me tell you about this wonderful

women and about the impact she had on my life.

Thank you for allowing me tonight to "cry on your

shoulders".

You guys have made the same kind of impact on my

life too. Bless you sweet friends....