If you read my last post you'll know that last weekend was a
rough one for me. Like I said in that last post...the thing going
on last weekend is a thing that God has left in my life to remind
me that it's Him I need. Not that we don't need each other
because we do! That's the way God created us. I've been
praying about posting this particular post....some heart to heart
talks require energy. There are just somethings like this that
drain you to walk back through. That's why I decided to take
some time off from blogging to regain some energy from last
weekend. Satan is crazy if he thinks I'm going to forget God
and I already one this thing!!!
I'd like to share first the devotion that God prepared for me
to receive on Monday...yeah the day after I decided to stand
firm in the victory already won....


Please Don't Leave!
Marybeth Whalen

"Do not leave here, I pray You, until I return to You and bring my offering and set it before You. And He said, I will wait until you return."
Judges 6:18 (AMP)

Devotion:
My two year-old daughter has learned a new phrase that tugs at my heart. Whether I am going on a date with my husband, or walking out of the room after putting her to bed, or just running quickly to the library to return books, I hear the same thing: "Mommy, don't leave me!" As she has gotten older and more aware of both my presence and my absence, she is much quicker to express the desperate feeling she experiences when I am not with her. She responds with a heartfelt cry--one that is not unique to a two year-old. Whether we are saying it to our spouse, our children, or our friends, we all know that desperate feeling of not wanting to be left.

It is no different in our walk with God. In the story of Gideon, we see him wrestling with many issues that we wrestle with today. Did God really ask me to do that? Am I capable? Am I worthy? Do I have what it takes? And we see him reacting as I think many of us do. We look to God in the midst of our wrestling and say, just like my two year-old, "Don't leave me while I sort this out!"

The more we walk with Him, the more aware we become of the benefits of resting in His presence. We know what we receive from Him and we crave more. We have felt the warmth of His embrace and we want more time in His lap. We know the power only He can infuse us with and we want to stay connected to that. And yet, as we scurry about in our busy lives, we are likely to look over and accuse Him of leaving us--when really it is the other way around.

I love God's response to Gideon as he desperately cries out for Him not to leave. Very lovingly and patiently God replies, "I'll be right here." I see God saying the same thing to all of us today. As you race to pick up your child at school, you call out over your shoulder, "Don't leave me!" As you rush off to work, your mind filled with the things you need to do, you say to Him, "Please don't leave God!" As you carry out the things He has called you to, needing Him more than ever, He lovingly replies, "Go do what you need to do, and I will be right here." The New American Standard version of this verse says, "I will remain until you return." He is a God who remains.

Gideon's story comforts me not because he went on to fight a victorious battle and become a hero in Israel. Gideon's story comforts me because he knew he needed the Lord and he understood his profound need for God's presence. He experienced an abiding relationship with God that became his foundation and his fortress. I love knowing that when I desperately call out, "Don't leave me!" He will lovingly reply, "I'm not going anywhere." Every time.

I have read the story of Gideon many times...but never caught verse 18.
Each of us has a very unique personality...it's like the color of His creation.
The Psychology major in me wants to tell you about each different one
but we would be here awhile. I think the understanding though of the
different personalities would help us all in our reactions and resposes to
another. Anyway, let's get back to Gideon...;)
The title of this devotion just says it all "Please Don't Leave!"
It just plays across that chord in my heart that plays deep urgency.
The thing God and I walked through was a deep seeded fear of
abandonment. I've always asked and wondered...why this was the
thing I had to walk through. So it was and so I...now...am.
See my Mom passed down to me the thing that was passed down
to her from her mom. A heavy spirit of depression. Not even as
a child do I remember not wearing it. I would go through a whole
school day and not speak a single word...to anyone. Not a teacher
or another student. I had a teacher in the 1st grade that would
get me by the shoulders and literally shake me to answer her.
I was when I became an older teen that I began to pray about this
thing that at first I called shyness. The battle got bad as I entered
my early 20's. If it had not been for my mustard seed size faith
in a mighty God that claimed He loved me I'd never made those
teenage and ealy adult years. It was when I turned 30 that I'd
had all I could handle. That's when the facedown prayers began.
God and I walked hand in hand through many self-help books and
counseling sessions....and we made it.
There were two life changing realizations that came. One was
when I was finally able to forgive my Mom....forgivenss only spoken
in the heart. I tried forgiving her over and over in my heart but it
never came so I could let go. Until I understood the fact that she
couldn't be the "mother" because all she was able to do each day
was keep her head above the water. When I heard God speak that
to my heart...I let go and forgave. And a change began to enter my
life for the first time.
The other thing that happened was a very vivid picture God painted
in my mind oneday. I could see it as clear as a picture I had taken
with my own camera. I saw this 7 or 8 year old girl with long brown
hair that almost touched her waist. She was behind a waist high wall
bent down in the "tornado drill" position. I knew this little girl...she
was me. When that little girl would come home from school some
days her mom would either have her bag backed or talk about doing
it and claim when daddy came home she was leaving. How was that
little girl to know that that day would actually never come. To me it
seemed to be a day that would come it would happen. As God showed
me that little girl....He let me know that I was taking care of everyone...
Mom, sisters and keeping the peace....but that I had forgotten to take
care of me. I was in my late 20's with no friends...in my early 30's with
no family of my own. He helped me start the long journey of opening
up and allowing people to come into my life and love on me. I
described it someone last weekend as this...someone's house burns to
the ground and they build a new one. Then when it's time to move in
they don't decorate it because they are afraid of losing everything
again. There is such a fear isn't it of opening up, investing and trusting
in another.
There is One though that has assured us in His Word that He will never
change and never leave us. I'm so grateful for being brought up in the
church. I never worried about God leaving. I often worry about my
wondering away....if anyone moves it's us.

I pray that if there is something that you and God have walked
through and gained victory over that you/we want allow satan to
shake that knowledge. I pray that if there is something you and
God need to walk through to gain victory over-that you find the
courage and strength to.

Thanks for listening...