Wrestling with God

We finished up the "Patriarchs" tonight....wow! The last 10 weeks flew by but I've grown so much. Normally I'm so tired physically and mentally on Tuesday nights that I couldn't think of posting but
tonight I'm still reeling. There are so many amazing things that I learned that I'd be here all night talking
and remebering. The ladies in our group are meeting next week to have a simple fellowship (they are Baptist so yes there will be food involved :) and we were given one last assignment and that was to be ready to tell which "moment" stands out or touched us the most. Without hesitation mine came to mind.
It was when Jacob wrestled with God. There have been a few times in my life... 3 to be exact... that I have wrestled with God. May it be in a decision, an act of obedience or a life changing moment those where times that I feel I wrestled with Him.
The first time was when I gave my life to Him. Even though I was born and raised in church I didn't give my heart to Him until I was 18. However it was when He asked my to give Him my life that I found myself wrestling. I was in an accident when I was 21 and it almost took my life and I knew it because I told Him if He would let me live I'd do anything He asked of me. January 10, 1991 some time around 6:30 p.m. I gave Him my life and in return He gave me another... He told me in that moment that I had a purpose.
The next time I wrestled with Him was at the begining of 2000. That was when I decided to give in and go back to school. He provided for me in so many ways- financially and physically. Times I would leave church and money had been stuck in my Bible cover to (one of my favorites and this one still makes me cry) my Dad saying (at age 30) for the first time in my life that he was proud of me. My Dad is a very quiet cut and dry fellow so to look up in the stadium seats and see him waving his arms in a crazy celebration were priceless! The most satisfying one of all God showed me a career path that I'd fall passionate about. Our Pastor prayed with me at an alter when I was still looking for a job after graduation-
and I'll never forget it. He prayed that God would give me a job beyond my wildest dreams- something that I could never dream up of on my own. Oh and did He ever fulfill that prayer!
The other thing that I wrestled with Him over was letting go of something that hindered me and had all my life. Depression. It of course wasn't something that I desired to hang on to but I didn't know how to let go. I had layed that thing down in prayer so many times and still walked away with it- wearing it like an old garment that was so comfortable you couldn't dare part with it. I was so tired and worn down that one way or the other I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. It was at a youth camp that I was praying on my face... and God whispered in my ear so plain...Ok, if you have finally had enough- give it to me this time and you'll never have to lay it down again because I'll heal you. It took Him and me 5 years (and still working on some areas) to reprogram all the lies and beliefs that I had in my head. There was also I time in the end I had to reparent myself and that was the most healing part of all. I never thought 6 or 7 years ago that I would ever feel alive but Praise Jesus name a miracle occurred.
Jacob wouldn't let go until he received a blessing....let's not give up or let go without the blessing that God so much desires to give us.