Prayer Request

Hey Ladies...this is going to be a quick post for tonight....it's late.
I have a huge burden on my heart that I'd like to share. Those of
you who have read some of my posts know that I LOVE my job!
Well, I found out today that our little school may be closing soon.
I don't know if it will be by the end of the year 2007 or the end of
our school year in May. I'm not asking you to pray for me (but I
would be grateful for them) but for the kids... The school I work at
is the only kind in our state and it offers The best programs available
to these kids.
Father, thank you for who you are and for creating each of us with a
special gift. May we always use what you have given us to bring you
and you alone glory. God you have given me such a burning passion
for these kids. Please continue to use me in this field! I lift up the families
of those with special needs....they are so tired physically, mentally,
emotionally and financially. Please continue to be their strength and
hope. I thank you and praise you for all you've done and all that you
are going to do.....

Staying focused

When I stop and look at how far God and I have come in the last five years it just blows me away. There was a time of reparenting but the toughest part was erasing the thirty years of negativity that I had lived in. It will always be a stuggle but I know it will always keep me focused on and in His Word. I have these statements typed and hanging on my wall and thought I would pass them along....

~ Don't lose confidence in God's goodness
~ Be strong
~ Do not lose hope
~ Let God be your Shield and help
~ Be patient
~ Continue to cry out to God
~ Cling to His Word
~ Watch for His answers
~ Trust in His unfailing Love

~ Lord, I praise you for...
~ Help me to do your will by...
~ Lord, I need...
~ Please forgive me for...
~ Help me to forgive...
~ I am struggling with...
~ Please help me stand firm.
For you alone are Lord and I give you
all the glory. Amen.

Wrestling with God

We finished up the "Patriarchs" tonight....wow! The last 10 weeks flew by but I've grown so much. Normally I'm so tired physically and mentally on Tuesday nights that I couldn't think of posting but
tonight I'm still reeling. There are so many amazing things that I learned that I'd be here all night talking
and remebering. The ladies in our group are meeting next week to have a simple fellowship (they are Baptist so yes there will be food involved :) and we were given one last assignment and that was to be ready to tell which "moment" stands out or touched us the most. Without hesitation mine came to mind.
It was when Jacob wrestled with God. There have been a few times in my life... 3 to be exact... that I have wrestled with God. May it be in a decision, an act of obedience or a life changing moment those where times that I feel I wrestled with Him.
The first time was when I gave my life to Him. Even though I was born and raised in church I didn't give my heart to Him until I was 18. However it was when He asked my to give Him my life that I found myself wrestling. I was in an accident when I was 21 and it almost took my life and I knew it because I told Him if He would let me live I'd do anything He asked of me. January 10, 1991 some time around 6:30 p.m. I gave Him my life and in return He gave me another... He told me in that moment that I had a purpose.
The next time I wrestled with Him was at the begining of 2000. That was when I decided to give in and go back to school. He provided for me in so many ways- financially and physically. Times I would leave church and money had been stuck in my Bible cover to (one of my favorites and this one still makes me cry) my Dad saying (at age 30) for the first time in my life that he was proud of me. My Dad is a very quiet cut and dry fellow so to look up in the stadium seats and see him waving his arms in a crazy celebration were priceless! The most satisfying one of all God showed me a career path that I'd fall passionate about. Our Pastor prayed with me at an alter when I was still looking for a job after graduation-
and I'll never forget it. He prayed that God would give me a job beyond my wildest dreams- something that I could never dream up of on my own. Oh and did He ever fulfill that prayer!
The other thing that I wrestled with Him over was letting go of something that hindered me and had all my life. Depression. It of course wasn't something that I desired to hang on to but I didn't know how to let go. I had layed that thing down in prayer so many times and still walked away with it- wearing it like an old garment that was so comfortable you couldn't dare part with it. I was so tired and worn down that one way or the other I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. It was at a youth camp that I was praying on my face... and God whispered in my ear so plain...Ok, if you have finally had enough- give it to me this time and you'll never have to lay it down again because I'll heal you. It took Him and me 5 years (and still working on some areas) to reprogram all the lies and beliefs that I had in my head. There was also I time in the end I had to reparent myself and that was the most healing part of all. I never thought 6 or 7 years ago that I would ever feel alive but Praise Jesus name a miracle occurred.
Jacob wouldn't let go until he received a blessing....let's not give up or let go without the blessing that God so much desires to give us.

To Blog or not to Blog

Well, Ladies I've thought long and hard about... to blog or not to blog. =)
My thoughts are what would I have to offer. I'm not a writer, a singer or
even a SAHM (whom I admire tremendously) those things were not my gifts.
My gift I believe is an encourager so that's what I've decided to use my blog
time for.

This is an article I read this week in my Christian Singles devotion:

As Christians, we talk about the "body of Christ." And we know what it means. The body is people who lead others to the Lord. It is a casserole delivered to a grieving family. It's the fervent prayers of an elder when we are sick. The body is also a grandmother's hands opening the Bible for young ones.For the most part, it's a wonderful body, and we needn't ask for anything different. Yet, as the world changes, so does the body's manifestation. Take now, for instance. In the technology realm, a new kind of body is on the move. It does many of the same things as the body we're used to, yet we find it with a click and a keystroke.This new body, part of a major revolution, is the body blogged.Blogging is a phenomenon that's gaining steam at an amazing rate. According to Technorati, an Internet blog tracker, 120,000 new blogs are created every day. And according to some sources, as many as 70 million blogs exist at this moment.A variant of the word weblog, a blog (as defined by Dictionary.com) is "an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page." Formerly considered the exclusive haunt of hotheaded ideologues, gabby teens, and video game fanatics, blogging now includes all kinds and ages. Everyone from amateur birdwatchers to professional journalists maintain blogs. The medium is especially attractive to communities of people who share a passion for a particular subject (e.g., politics or sci-fi movies) or avocation (e.g., doll collecting or motorcycle riding). Hence, the blogosphere's role as a community magnet for followers of Christ.

I mainly set up my blog account so I could comment on the LPM blog. A friend at work really "insisted" I get on Myspace to just meet others. I'm not into all that so agreed I'd set up my blog. I never dreamed what I would find in this "community". Yes, most of the time I'm a lurker that drops a comment here and there. However, I have been so blessed by the people, stories and personal devotions about life. I have found a wonderful source of accountability, encouragement and much to my surprise....friendship. Blogging most of all is a place of common ground and that is our love for our Christ and our passionate desire to seek Him more. You ladies that stop by and that I come across....you have touched me deeply.

On a lighter note/post~ We had fun last weekend at the park!

B-man and

his Aunt M~

I know I'm not going to finish this post this morning. However, I had to start it now...because the emotions that are going on in my heart right now or so overwhelming. I say that with tears interrupting my vision but not yet streaming down. This morning at church we have our Steeple Dedication. What I have seen God do in this little church's life and at what all He's done in my life while there is so sweet and amazing. As we celebrate this wonderful day I am the only one who knows that this will be my last "official" day there. Here come the tears again....this is going to end up being an ugly cry before the days over. I am so happy- no joyful and saddened all at the same time. I have lived my life for the last thirty years loving others from a distance and not allowing myself to feel loved by them at all. Until I met this wonderful Christian women. She became a mentor and friend and from her I met her

church family. This may bring the ugly cry on.....(soft smile) I fell deeply in love with these people and I let them wrap me up in God's love. They have loved on me and me on them in the sense that in our hearts we are family.


Lord, thank you for such a wonderful day. May I, no matter where I go or what I do, have a servants heart for you and those around me.

In a couple of Sundays I plan to share with our (small) Sunday night crowd how much they mean to me and what God has planned for me. I've been asking God to reveal a scripture to me and He did so the otherday while driving to work. Nehemiah chapters one and two are what He brought to my mind.
Nehemiah was saddened by the condition and state of the people- so he wept and prayed. As I did for my home church. I didn't have to hear second hand about the destruction... I was there to witness it. For years I've prayed the prayer of this servant's heart. When he went before the King the King asked, "Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of the heart." I've carried that sadness of the heart for so long it's
time to replace it with the joy of rebuilding. I know that as the same with Nehemiah- going back things aren't just going to fall in place and change- it's going to take time, prayer and work.Satan's already been trying to pull me down for the last couple weeks. It's time to mend
some broken walls and rebuild some burned gates.

Ladies, I'd like to tell you about my two church families.

My original "home church" I attended for the first thirty years

of my life. I was born and raised in that little church. When

I was a freshman in high school the church went through a

rough church split... just trust me it was bad. That was well

over twenty years now and that place is still suffering from

that time. It was just like watching a blooming flower wilt

and die right before your eyes. Somewhere around eight or

nine years ago I remember sitting with my cousin talking of

how I desired and refused to give up hope in seeing the place

revived and pushed forward. This was a hard core Southern

Baptist church. In the year 2000 I met some new friends from

where I was working and was invited to attend a Ladies Retreat

with them. Shortly after ended up attending there for the last

seven years.

I'll start of the story line of my "second church" with this

picture.

This is a photo of the long awaited steeple at New Life Church.

So my second "church family" was not run across by accident.

It became the place God would use to stretch, teach, grow and

most important heal me from some things in my past. While

at the new church I never gave up my prayers for my "church

back home".

Ladies, I have to share I am seeing God in this present season

begin to answer the prayers I've prayed for my first church

home. It's so amazing to see how He is unfolding this. The

cousin I mentioned earlier....yeah, he's the church's new pastor!!

Meanwhile, for the last year God has gently been preparing my

heart to return back home.

Now, my heart has been crying inside at the thought of leaving

where I am now. I love this place and these people that are like

family. My decision was made last Sunday to follow Him no

matter the cost.... and with that decision came instant peace!

I told my mentor (at the present church) and her words to me

I'll never forget. She trust what ever I do because she knows

that I seek to follow God's will for my life. That is huge to

hear someone say that about your life and walk in faith.

The church back home is going through an season of healing

after a twenty three year old battle. It is at the edge of change

waiting to fly.

Thank you God for this answered prayer. May you continue

to heal and restore. May we once again be a city on a hill that

cannot be hidden. May this lampstands light shine once again.

I love you. Amen.