You know, I'm not sure I should go "here"
in a post but my heart is too heavy and I'm
a bit too scared to go at it alone.
This is mainly going to be a big ramble- as
I'm trying to sort things out in my own mind
and heart.
In my last post I told you about a book I was
reading and it's content of talking of stress. I have to read you
this quote "what is stress? It is that confusion created when
one's mind overrides the body's desire to choke the living day-
lights out of some jerk who desperately needs it. Or, more
professionally, it is the non-specific response of the body to
an unpleasant event.".
I found out something a week ago that has made my heart
sink over the new job. Now I still know that God's hands
are still there and that this I feel is just this- another stepping
stone. I think I may see what He is up to but everytime I
think I see what He is giving me glimpses of I'm so wrong.
I was looking for a picture to post on stepping stones and
they all looked so "perfect" that I chose the above one. It
very much describes the way I'm feeling...all these decisions
and not sure which one/step to take.
I wish I could go into all the details of what is going on right
now. I know that some of you are going through things that
far out weigh my situation.
Here's the thing that has me afraid...This situation has one
thought pushing me to another thought pushing me to
another and now I find myself standing on the edge of the
pit that held me captive for the first 31 years of my life.
Last night was a huge battle I had almost convinced myself
that I should go ahead and climb back in because I wouldn't
have to fear failing if I was already back there in failure.
This is a very dangerous place for me and I don't want to fail
this test.
The news regarding the new job has already shown me that
in order to continue working in the area of Special Needs
(which is my hearts desire) I'll have to go back to school.
There are some complications that the university says
makes it impossible for me to do so. Now, I know that my
God is bigger than a university guideline. My prayer is
that God will put me in touch with the right people at the
university and that they will see my heart and help me
finish this dream. God is moving me from a job that I'm
content with to one that I'm not...I believe it is to spur me
on to doing what I need to do.
I received an email devotion this morning and plan to
post it in a day or two....but for now I feel I need to
ponder it alone with just Him.
Standing on the edge...but not sure of what.
Standing on the edge...of fear...of hope...
Standing on the edge...trusting Him to what's below.
Posts
5 comments:
I am sending you an email and it may be a long one but it is something that I want to share with you........ It is not instruction only my experience....
Love ya!
Melanie, we have you and the situation covered in prayer.
~Blessings,
Jan
Don't know exactly what is going on. Don't have to. But I can relate to the battle you spoke of. I don't know the specifics there either..but I too battle returning to old coping mechanisms when I am severely stressed; and I too feel as if there is messenger of the enemy sitting on my shoulder telling me it doesn't matter because I have already failed.
It has to be hard having so many stepping stones that don't seem to lead to any place specific in a nice, neat way. The walk of faith and not of sight is a difficult one.
Jesus,
I know that You see my friend's path clearly. I know that You made a way for us to enter Your throne room and ask for help in time of need. We ask now, Jesus. We ask for Your leading, Your guidance, Your will to be made known. I pray blessing upon my friend. I ask for Your touch, that she might find peace and comfort that You are truly in control, that You hold her in the palm of Your hand, that all these things WILL work together for good, that nothing is impossible for You, that all is well, that You are always good, that You have plans to bless her and prosper her, that in You we are blessed with every blessing in the heavenly realms, that she can do all thinss through You who strengthens her! surround her with your angels. gueard her from the enemy. do not let her be put to hsame. Let her shine forth as the new day sun. May she commit her way unto You that You might bring it to pass. May she know in her heart that though a man plans his way the Lord directs his path. Bring her wisdom, and peace and solace this day. In Your precious name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.
Adding my prayers to Melanie Joy! I even stopped and prayed along with Leslie in her comment/prayer. God will give you all that you need! Courage, peace, favor, divine opportunity!
xoxo,
Maria
With all that is going on with us I do know the stretching that can take place as God begins to move. That stretching can have real growing pains. And on top of that as women we sooooooo need security. Knowing what the plans are and when when we are going to get there.
Someone recently told us that faith is the willingness to step out with the chance that you just might fail.
I also know that where God plans to take you....He will open the doors. We just have to have faith. Remember the children in the wilderness facing the red sea on one side and the pharaohs men on the other.God opened the way. In His time.
Fear not. He knows the plans He has for you....they are for good and not for evil...He has plans to bless and prosper you.
All of that is to finally say....I UNDERSTAND. :)
He will not stretch you further than He can handle.
I love you girl....we are no longer pit dwellers. We are standing on the rock!
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